An Attempt At Living Again
by keykeeper11
Summary: Bella tries to get over the beautiful vampire that changed her life, but only stayed in it for a short period of time. She soon finds out that that's an impossible task. Set during New Moon. Oneshot.


1**Disclaimer:** Don't own, and never will..

**Author's Note: **So, I'm trying something new and writing some fan fiction for a story that _isn't_ about Harry Potter, likewise, it's about Twilight & New Moon by Stephenie Meyer.

Those of my readers that have never read either of the two books that I just mentioned, well, I highly suggest that you _do_... because they're brilliant.

**Spoilers:** This fan fic contains spoilers from New Moon - if you haven't read it, and don't want to find out what happens, then don't read this

**An Attempt At Living Again:** _One-shot_

_I cannot live, I can't breathe, unless you do this with me.._

----- 

"Hey, Mike, do you wanna catch a movie after work?"

As soon as those words had left my stupid, _stupid_ lips, I felt suddenly sick. What was I doing? Was I trying to crawl out of my hole of depression that had engulfed me in the last four months? Was _that_ what I was trying to do?

Maybe. But somewhere, in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't going to work. Mike would never be able to replace the vampire I had once been so close to; so close, before he had snatched himself away from me.

Mike, on the other hand, seemed thrilled. After all, how long had he been waiting for this moment to happen? For about a year... I just hoped things wouldn't go as badly with Mike as they had with Jessica.

"Really, Bella? You're serious?" His bright eyes lit up and he looked so much like a puppy.

Feigning a smile, I replied, "Yeah, of course, why wouldn't I be serious?"

Mike's bright eyes soon turned dark, much like a shadow had been cast over his face. "Well... y'know, after _he left_, you really haven't been quite the same. And, Jessica told me what happened with you and her.."

The hole inside of me ripped open, and I put my hands protectively around my abdomen, trying my hardest not to break down in front of Mike, but his words were ringing in my ears, _'after he left...'_, and my heart felt like it was breaking in two.

"Well, anyways, that'd be great, Bella. What movie d'you wanna see?" Mike's words shook me from my near unconciousness, and I feigned a smile, preparing for the worst...

----- 

An hour later, after driving to La Push, getting movie tickets (and popcorn), I found myself sitting in a quiet theater with Mike next to me, his hand inching closer to my own each second. I sighed, I hadn't meant for this to be a date, and probably _should_ have mentioned that to him, but, if wouldn't matter to Mike. After all, he always did whatever he could to hit on me.

Unexpectedly, Mike's hand switched from _my_ hand, to my thigh, and I jumped nearly a mile into the air, trying to keep my eyes on the couple holding hands on the movie screen (but, quickly I turned them away, afraid that the painful hole would eat me up).

"You'd let _him_ do that," Mike said menacingly as he pressed his lips against my right ear, causing me to jump again (although this time not as high).

I glared threateningly at him, as if willing him telepathically to please stop bring up Edw - _his_ name up again. Unfortunately, I knew he couldn't see my eyes in the darkness of the cinema, "Like you even know anything about our relationship! It's none of your business, _Mike_," I hissed, tears welling up in my eyes as I groped in the dark for a piece of popcorn.

"Whatever, Bella," he said, retracting his hand from my thigh and sitting stiffly next to me. I sighed quietly in relief, but my lips trembled as the couple on the screen began to make out. Why did we have to see a gushy romance film?

Mike shifted in his seat and I willed myself to continue staring at the screen, my eyes turning red and burning painfully from trying to refrain from crying, and from not blinking.

"I'm going to go use the restroom," I croaked, my voice cracking as I hurried out of the aisle, dashed out the cinema doors, tore into the bathroom, and locked myself into one of the stalls with fumbling fingers.

"Arggggggh!" I gasped, clutching both of my hands painfully tight around my midriff, gulping for air as a horrifying moaning sound came from the back of my throat. Collapsing onto the tile flooring, I kneeled over the toilet, waiting for vomit to come. Luckily, none did, but could feel more tears coming, and I quickly pressed my face against the cool tiles.

Five minutes later, after a painful, laborious process, I came to the restroom sinks and splashed cold water on my face. It felt like a relief against my warm, _human_ skin, and I sighed, only to be reminded of Him once again.

Mike was waiting for me in the lobby, apparently the movie had been rather short - or, I was in the bathroom for a long time. I really couldn't be sure.

He rushed over, "Bella, are you okay? I'm sorry about what I said in the theater, it's just -"

" - I'm fine, Mike." My voice sounded firm and defiant as I pretended that my eyes _weren't_ as red and puffy as they appeared.

"Oh," his voice faltered, and he sounded disappointed that he couldn't comfort me. I diverted my eyes from him and rolled them.

"Anyways, Bella, how about dinner?" Mike awkwardly put his arm around me, but I quickly shrugged it off and spun around to face him.

"Actually, I'd really just rather go home, Mike."

It was hard not to feel guilty as the happy expression on his face soon turned to depression. Well, not _depression_, because he didn't know what being in depression felt like, although I certainly did. I wish I didn't.

----- 

We walked to the car in silence, Mike opening the passenger door for me (I gave a nostalgic gasp; that was what He used to do), and ushered me in. I rested my head against the back of my seat, longing for the smooth interior of His Volva, and the wonderful smelling leather coat wrapped around my shoulders.

"You okay?" Mike asked, for the second time in half an hour, as he touched my shoulder.

"Great," I murmured, closing my eyes and listening to the _vroom_ of the engine as opposed to the purr that His shiny silver car gave out.

Mike didn't drive as fast as He had, either. He drove at a moderate speed; I missed sitting in a car that climbed to roughly 100 MPH. His skin was warm; I missed the cool, amazing aroma of Edward's. He had blue eyes; I longed to look into the pools of amber, and sometimes onyx. I absolutely hated these innovations that had come into my life, if only there was some way to go back... If only I was one of them; a vampire.

My eyes opened as I felt the car slow to a stop. The shining light coming from my front porch told me that I was at home, and I rubbed my eyes, groggy. Had I fallen asleep?

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," Mike mumbled next to me, leaning closer and looking anxious. I bit my lip.

"Uh yeah, I'll -"

It was too late. Mike grabbed me by the shoulders and mashed his warm lips against mine, his hands in my hair. My scream of surprise came out muffled and I pushed him away, licking my lips.

"Bella, come on,"

Tears threatened to spill and I hurriedly unbuckled my seat belt, and slammed the car door shut as I ran towards the front door. Never again did I want warm _human_ lips to touch my own again. Or, at least not Mike's.

Charlie had the volume up as loud as it could go; he was watching a football game, and I took the opportunity to creep by, and smile convincingly. By the time I got to my room I felt sick to my stomach, and dashed towards the bathroom where I really _did_ puke.

The beautiful voice inside my head growled. "Bella, you can't go on like this...,"

Ignoring the voice, I threw my head over the toilet bowl and emptied the popcorn that Mike had gotten for me.

I knew I would never get over the Cullens, it was an impossible feat. But I could try to go on with my life - actually _try_. And maybe, just maybe that would be enough.

But I would never forget Edward. Beautiful, beautiful Edward.

----- 

**A/n:** How about them apples? ;) Trying something different is always fun, so I've taken a break from HP for awhile - not too long, though! Hehehe! Please review, it makes me happy - criticism is welcome.. -bites lip- but be warned, I'm rather sensitive!

**Later!**


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